Q: What is a Pizza Ninja...
Some say that they are a mystical order of Ninja shrouded in mystery, with powers beyond anything we've ever seen...
The reality is is that they are a large clan of Ninja trained in the deadly use of Pizza implements (such as pizza cutters, pizza oven removers, and so on), currently in the employ of Domino's. They accept assassination missions as per course, and will deliver an order by the most expedient and efficient route, regardless of who might die if their paths are crossed. For you see, once a Pizza Ninja accepts an order, they will do everything in their power to make sure that no one sees them coming so as to not give away their secrets to their arch enemies, the Papa John Samurai, the Little Caesar Pirates, or the Pizza Hut Cowboys. And no one will steal the order from them, ensuring that your order is delivered hot, fresh, tasty, and safe.
Along with the Ninja's of Ninja Burger, they once had a motto of "Delivered in 30 minutes anywhere, or we commit seppuku." But with the split due to differences in what should be delivered eons ago, the Pizza Ninja's have the motto of "Delivered in 30 minutes anywhere, or we guarantee someone will die." This was a revision of their transitional motto "Delivered in 30 minutes anywhere, or we cause someone else to commit seppuku." The transitional motto was felt to be dishonorable and put out the wrong image of the Pizza Ninja's as being shameful, even cowardly. This is not the case.
Long ago, in this fair town, there was a Christian Camp being operated for young teens, and Domino's sold them discounted pizza. We took far too many though, so I, as the resident Pizza Ninja, went out in search of other buyers...or if all else failed, to give the pizza away to needy children...er...people.
After making my case to one lady, who shall henceforth be known as Crazy Lady!, at the Last Chance bar (silence you snickering fools in the background!), and being informed that my boss is her "fuckbuddy and gives her pizza for $2"...I decided it was best to get away from her before her frightful disposition caused me to lose my Ninja self-control and kill her for being so disrespectful to the Sensei!
None disrespect the Sensei...
So she got it for $2, and I stealthily left from there, giving pizza to a local grocery store, the hot chicks at the Family Video rentals, the Police (who were suitably impressed by my ability to appear in their offices with ease), and a bunch of people in a parking lot.
The Philistines in the parking lot couldn't appreciate the beauty of a leap from a church steeple, followed with three flips in the air and landing in their midst in a three point landing. They just freaked out and started crying. Pitiful.
Anyways, I then went forth to Hardees...and through the drive-through.
"Hi, welcome to Hardees, would you like to try...." *insert combo number here*
I state, "No my good man, I actually bring tidings and offerings to you! For I, the Pizza Ninja, have food for you from the Dojo of Domino's!"
After a lengthy pause, what came forth was a whispered, almost awed response, requesting me to come to the window.
I do so, and giving him a Pepperoni, he bows in a worshipful manner, and I go on my way...to Wendys.
Again, I make my offering, and they bid me forward. I grant them a Sausage, and they tell me a story of Little Debbies people giving them 7 cases of sweet items. I warned them of the Little Debbies people, and their sweet ways that hide a dark purpose to take over the world in a slow manner, and with respect the promise me that they would heed my warning.
But they didn't give me any to make sure it was pure sweets. I can only warn them, I cannot save them if those sweets are indeed not pure.
I continue on...and approach...my most challenging foe of the night...
The McDonald's Clown Guards...
But that is a story for another day...:ninja: